Being a working mom have you ever come across this situation when you forgot to pack something for your kid’s school because you were too busy getting ready for work or kid’s assignment is due at school and you have your work deliverables timelines too. A mom to a 3-year-old son myself, I can say this on behalf of every mom that this is very common and you must also be familiar with that strong emotion that entails such situations which is guilt.

Yes, along with the purest feeling of Motherhood comes guilt. This guilt is more in working mothers who are chasing their dreams in their professional life and simultaneously trying to give their best as mothers. There is always a deep-rooted thought that are we doing justice with our kids and with our job.

After becoming mother, I realized that I was becoming affluent in multitasking and was learning and growing everyday along with my son. I was extremely bad at storytelling, even my brother never used to listen any movie story from me. He used to say “I’ll prefer watching it after an year but you please don’t kill the story. But then with my son, I became a good storyteller. I used to do a lot of experimental cooking (Please don’t ask my husband about it….) but then I became more conscious about nutrition portion. Similar to these, there were lot many other changes that I was and still going through with him. I was filled with abundance of emotions like love, care, joy, patience, compassion, understanding, laughter, along with it also came fear, worry and guilt.

No one would have ever thought this could also be a problem and it needs to be catered and solved. During our WIT ERG meeting, I was discussing casually with my team about it and then we realized there must be other colleagues who must be going through similar roller coasters of emotions. And the way I seek help and suggestion from my family and friends there must be other mothers who have already mastered being a working Mom since long.

I was discussing casually with my team about it and then we realized there must be other colleagues who must also be going through similar roller coaster of emotions. As I seek help and suggestion from my family and friends, there must be many mothers who have already mastered being a working Mom since long and this is how we stumbled upon the agenda of our next initiative under WIT, WORKING MOM: STOP FEELING THAT GUILT !!!

Selecting a panel for this discussion was very difficult as every mother is special, every motherhood is unique, everyone has different experiences. Our search completed on the three extremely talented women colleagues with immense experience in the IT industry and as Mother.

Our Panelists:

When a woman embraces motherhood there’s her partner who becomes a father too. The thought of adding men to our conversion was to add another dimension to our discussion about overcoming the working mom’s guilt. As the counterparts, men do observe their working wives and the challenges they face in trying to achieve that work-life balance.

Our Co-Panelists:

All about Working Mom’s guilt and the ways to overcome it!!

While a mother cherishes various big and small moments of her journey, the guilt is always there that they are not giving time to their family and specially to kids. The FOMO ‘fear of missing out’ and not being there is always invoking may it be in personal life or in professional life. One tries balancing it, but it is more like a seesaw.

To this thought our panelist Tina Guha responded as “The best way to overcome this is: Stop taking this as a guilt. Your maternity journey is all about growing along with your kids”. This sounds simple thing, right? However, it not as simple as it looks… Identifying the problem area, we were keen for the solutions as we went over the conversation with our panelists who wonderfully shared below tried and tested tips that will definitely help you to overcome the guilt:

“Suvar Irunthal Than Chithiram” Tamil Shloka, meaning – you can paint only if there is a wall.” Saraswathy Kalyani, Perficient, Chennai BU.

Only when your cup is full you can give it to others: Primary step is Selfcare so first rejoice yourself. Give yourself proper time to rest and rejuvenate yourself. “To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise, we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear”: Gautam Buddha .
Communication is the Key: Start conversating to your kids and give them dedicated time. May it be telling them how your day was and by this way you sum-up your day and you can plan for the next day along with them. Simultaneously you understand how things are at their end as well.
Learn managing your time: Have a to-do list. This will always help you in prioritizing them and planning your time accordingly.
Plan your day: It is very essential to understand your potential and what you can do smoothly vs what will need more efforts.
Take help: Talk to elders and your partner. This gives you positive energy and inspiration. Also, you will observe many solutions automatically coming out of those conversation. Believe me, learning from our elder’s experience will always come in handy.
From Waterfall to Agile: If you feel like you are not going to meet the timelines, learn delegating the work and responsibilities.
Failing is not falling, it is rising: We always learn from our own experiences. If you are failing in something, write down the problem with all possible solutions; how vague it could sound at that moment however I bet, you are sure to find the solution out of it
Stop comparing yourself: Trust me, you are your best and you are playing both the roles perfectly.

“Understand the fact that this needs to be taken positively. This guilt will always make you; but it will never break you”. Srividya Cheetla, Perficient, Bangalore BU.

 

From the Men’s corner:

Our male panelists, who are experienced husband of working wife and experienced father too also shared some of the very important points. Following tips are for men from men and these will help our working moms to strike a balance in better way.

“Being a working woman itself is a big challenge and working mom is even more challenging” Mangesh Mohatkar, Co-Panelist, Perficient, Nagpur BU.

Self-confidence is the key to success. Building confidence is must to prepare oneself for all challenges. Ashok Palani, Co-Panelist, Perficient, Bangalore BU.

Being there as an additional support at home whenever possible will help moms in focusing on their job roles during their working hours. After all if a man becomes the biggest help to his lady, what can stop her in achieving her goals.
Equalizing the work and family situation for both is what will help women have time to relax and self-care.
Always have an open communication. Talk with them about their day and share yours, check if they are facing any challenge or need any additional help.
It is all about equal and participative parenting. As with motherhood, comes fatherhood as well.

Alike women, men also have the same guilt of not being able to spend enough time with family. It is all about how you perceive it. # Magesh Udayasuriyan, Co-Panelist, Perficient Chennai BU

 

It is ok to have the guilt but do not let this guilt takeover the beautiful phase of motherhood. Do your best and if you miss anything on a particular day, then there is always a tomorrow. With new day comes new opportunities to make things right.

Take pride in being a working MOM and STOP FEEING THAT GUILT!!

Oh!! Did you miss this live event? Don’t worry, here is the link to the recording of the live event entailing the fabulous conversation with our panelists.

Well, while the live event over the topic has ended, the conversation that started can still be continued as we all can learn from each other’s experiences today and every day. Please go ahead and share your experiences in the comments below. Happy parenting everyone!